What the Law Says About Burial, Cremation, & Final Wishes
When it comes to final arrangements, many people assume they can simply write down - or even just say - what they want, and that’s the end of it. They also tend to believe their spouse or adult children will automatically be in charge of carrying out those wishes.
That’s true in many cases, but not always in the way you might expect. This may come as a surprise, but every state has specific laws about who has the legal authority to make decisions about your body after death. And it’s not just about who gets to decide. There are also laws about where your remains can go.
So Who Does Get to Decide?
Here’s something most people don’t realize: you can legally appoint someone to handle your funeral and burial arrangements. The legal title for this is a disposition agent, and you can name them in your advance directive or in a separate legal form.
If you don’t name someone, most states will follow a default legal order, usually something like this:
Appointed agent (the “disposition agent” I mentioned above)
Spouse or registered domestic partner
Adult children
Parents
Siblings
✨ This matters more than you think. If there’s disagreement among family members, or if no one is clearly authorized, it can lead to delays, confusion, or even legal disputes during an already emotional time.
What About Scattering Ashes?
Cremation has become the most common choice in the U.S., but that doesn’t mean you can scatter ashes wherever you like.
I’ve had many conversations with people who’ve shared with me where they want their ashes to be scattered. I’ve also heard stories of where ashes were scattered because that’s what the family chose to do. Some people scatter ashes all in one place, while others choose to spread the scattering out over multiple places.
A friend of mine told me a story about her family making a special trip to a beloved golf course to scatter their father’s ashes – one of his favorite places. They did it discreetly, without permission, and while it was a heartfelt gesture, it was technically against the law.
Another friend once shared a story with me that still makes me chuckle. After her mother passed away, one daughter took the ashes with her on a trip, knowing that her mom wanted them scattered in the ocean. She respectfully scattered them in the Atlantic. When she returned home and told her sister, the mortified response was, “She wanted to be scattered in the Pacific, not the Atlantic!”. To which the first sister replied, “Well…too late”.
Here's what you need to know about the laws on scattering ashes:
Private property: You need permission from the landowner. That includes places like golf courses, lakeside cabins, and even your own backyard if someone else owns the land.
Public parks and trails: Many have restrictions or require a permit. Some prohibit it altogether.
Beaches or lakes: If you’re heading out to sea, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) requires ashes to be scattered at least three nautical miles from shore.
National parks: Some allow it with advance written permission, but you also have to follow specific guidelines they have in place.
Does any of this really matter?
I'll bet most people don’t think twice about what the laws are. Choices are often made based simply on what they feel is most memorable about their loved one, such as their love of hiking, the mountains, the ocean, or just a favorite place. I get it. They go with good intentions and create a meaningful moment.
And in probably most cases, enforcement is unlikely. Still, it’s best to be aware of the laws so you at least know if you are taking any risk of being fined or creating complications for your family.
Can You Be Buried on Your Own Property?
Yes, in some states and rural areas, burial on private property is still legal. But don’t assume it’s allowed just because you own the land. There are often rules you have to follow, including:
Setback distance from water sources, roads, or property lines.
Filing a burial permit with the county or local health department.
Recording the burial on the deed, which could affect future resale of the property.
In urban and suburban areas, this option is usually prohibited. And even for cremated remains, some local jurisdictions have regulations about where they can be stored or buried.
Bottom Line?
Your final wishes are deeply personal—but they’re not always legally enforceable unless you take the right steps. If they don’t align with the law, they may not be carried out at all.
Here’s what I recommend:
Name a disposition agent in your health care directive or through a separate legal form.
Include final disposition preferences in your estate plan.
Discuss your wishes clearly with your loved ones so there are no surprises.
With a little planning, you can make sure your final moments reflect your values, your life, and your legacy, without legal headaches or family conflict.
